Saturday, June 24, 2006

If I only had a brain...

Bob is back. Hello All! but anyway, Bob will get right down to buisness. a little while ago Bob went klayaking with his friend Bobwise ( a little while ago, and as he says, you may think that keeping your legs or knees under the kayak my protect you from sunburn, but you are VERY wrong. Bob poured half the bottle onto his legs and arms and neck but did that keep him from extreme pain made even worse by his evil older sibling? OH NO! and you would think that by keeping your knees covered by long shorts and a kayak you would prevent sunburn, but is that true? OH NO! So after fifteen or twenty miles of kayaking we went home and I went directly to fencing class. Our slightly scary, slightly sweet Cracovian teacher was in a good mood and didn't deal out too many push ups, so I got lucky. after that my retarted brother dorve vus home and I went to my room. there I turned on the TV and sat on my bed to watch. about fifteen minutes into 24 I fell dead asleep and didn't wake up until 11:00 the next morning with the TV still on and my brother poking my sunburned knees. I haven't been able to think clearly today at all, so I'll never Purple monkey the dishwasher anymore without sun lotion on my mailbox. I'm quite tired as you can see nad my mind has been kind of drifting off topic over and over. people keep saying I have ADD but they just don't understand. hey look a chicken! That dog had a puffy tail! ghasp! I forgot to fluiff my pillow dtoday! so to make up for it I'll just have to...oh look, a chicken!

"Knowlege is power, power corrupts, study hard, become evil.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Oh how long must we sing this song?

Greetings people!, please excuse me while I puke into this bucket.
Ah thank you. Bob is disgusted. What is contemporary Christian music, and how did such a good thing as Christianity create such a monster? All that and more, coming up next; but first a word from our sponsors. Go turn on your radio to the nearest Christian station. Done? Good! Now listen to the lyrics of maybe two or three songs, and mentally record how many times you her the words "I," or "me," surprising how many times those words pop up in "music" that's supposed to be about God. Now if you couldn't tell weather or not you hit the CCM station or not, that's another thing. With many CCM songs you could tell someone that it was soft rock and they would believe it. Oh the buggers. Many of my friends like that kind of stuff, so I try my utmost to smile politely when asked about the music. They can't see what I find so interesting about bagpipes and claymores (a fun punk version of this can be found at but they smile and nod politely, like I do and we have a mutual respect in most cases. I can kind of see the appeal of CCM, in fact that was all I could listen too not all that long ago. You feel like you're having a "spiritual experience," but it's just the mood of the people, the sound of the music and the idea of it all being about God.
Wow, it seems I'm just about finished, that must have been the shortest CCM rant I've been on in my life. So anyway, the point is, beware of handraising!!!

Saturday, June 10, 2006

The Zombie Mice are coming!

Hello all!
Bob has realized something. He has not told y'all* about his theories! How stupid of him. Over the years Bob's brain has developed a tendency to take any simple little thing and form strange conspiracy theories around it. Two examples I have already quoted from myself in previous posts, these are my two favorites.

Theory 1:
Micky Mouse, the beloved children's character created by The Father Of All Evil Walt Disney will, in the near future, draft children and adults alike into the army. It will come quickly, everyone in the government, having been kidnaped and brainwashed by the Disney Empire, will all agree to a new law that will allow children to be drafted into the army. And so without warning or reason children and adults alike will fall victem to It. And so the harvest begins. Adults under forty will be drafted by the army's newest recruiter Mickey Mouse. I say people under thirty because, in a few years, all of those will have grown up in Mousedom, or the world of children today (I mean look at little kids, if you ask them to go shopping with you and you tell them Micky will be there they agree!). But anyway, Micky will suddenly appear on TV, the papers, everywhere and begin saying "Hey kids! Join the Army!" Then he will do a sickeningly cute song/dance and all who see it will run to the nearest recruiting station and sign up like mindless drooling zombies. Which brings us to my next theory.

Theory 2:
You are alone on a misty hillside, all around you the moans of the undead echo about your ears. You raise the sawed off shotgun and fire blindly into the figure ahead of you. It takes the impact in the chest and flies down the rocky hill, but at the bottom it rises again and begins shuffling toward you. You fire again, striking it in the head. This time the grey corpse falls like a rag doll to the earth. Relieved you turn, and are immediately enveloped in the groping hands of several ghouls in front of you! You scream but no one hears and as they pull you in you can feel their broken teeth sinking into your flesh.
This is the world of the future.
Some day soon zombies will rule the earth! It will begin with a small outbreak in Nevada, then will spread throuout america and soon the entire world will be of the living dead! So I say fight back! begin collecting weapons and water now and barricade yourself in your house like I have. The Mouseful Army will not stop the undead! There are refrences to it in the book of Psalms, (chapter 27) and in an ancient Egyptian ledgend (though oddly enough it says nothing at all about mummies, only zombies). So prepare now! Mwahahahahaha!!!!
I must leave now, the men in the white coats are outside. So work hard! Strive to be masculine!Beware the ides of March!

P.S. when barricadeing yourself, try to bring along a few games, you can't clean your guns all day.

Alba Saor!

*Bob never says "y'all" he simply feels like it, so shut up about it.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Treeehuggers, kiddy edition

Treehuggers. Ohhh the treehuggers. BAH! Bob was out the other day In the park when some poor person's little kid comes running up to a tree and leaps upon the defenseless thing, squeezing it and squealing "tree!" while his helpless parent stood there and looked embarrassed. Bob feels for that poor man. Also, a couple months ago Bob was innocently minding his own business when he witnessed a tragedy. Two small children, running along the street hugging the show trees along the sidewalk. Bob cries daily for their parents. Both of these crimes against nature were committed by children probably under the age of 10. Bob bawls openly.
Bob knows some people who I'm sure have embraced a few giant sticks in their time and they are nice people for the most part. But Bob will rant against them another time. Perhaps these mini terrors were raised this way, the way of love for the brainless. To you all I say, please bugger off. To those who do this because of some other sick reason I say bugger off. but then again I think pretty much the whole world should bugger off, so who am I to talk. In general people annoy me, ask anyone who has spent a few house with me and you'll know this. But now it's time for ADD boy to get back the subject at hand. The frickin' treehuggers. I can see their point about saving trees, kind of. But have they ever thought of what the trees might feel like? Just to piss me off my brother's female friends hug me and I can't stand it, so how do you think those twigs feel? Did they ask to be touched? NO! They could sue for sexual harassment like I'm planning on doing to my brother's friends. I propose a new law commanding hippies not to touched a tree but rather throw themselves at the bulldozers to prevent logging. Who's behind me!!!
*crickets chirping*
bugger. So that law didn't go over so great and now I've been committed back into the mental hospital by congress after I broke into their homes to propose my law, but things worked out well.

People Annoy Me.
Bob of Bobland

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

My name is Bob.

Huh, so this is a blog. Interesting. This would be the time all of you CCM loving, gun controling, BoBo french-hippie gecko-haters to run away from your screen screaming. All of you buggered off? Good! I am Bob. Bob will be posting things on here when the nice people let bob out of his padded cell and onto the computer. Bob will sometimes rant about the things at the beginning of this post, and sometimes will babble about his life in general. He may also very well rant against society. Do not let the slightly distrbing glint in my eye fool you, I'm a nice guy, unless you insult my kilt or my gecko. Or if you hug me, that's when limbs fly. But Bob digresses. I am a nice person for the most part. In case you were wondering, the title for this blog has nothing to do with anything, it was simply the first thing that popped into my head. I may stop referring to Bob's self in the third person sometimes, simply because I feel like it. Also one more thing, the theories. I may publish my conspiracy theories on here. these are simply thing that my overactive imagionation has come up with (such as Micky Mouse drafting children into the army) or things that I found interesting and were shaped into elaborite theories (such as Psalm 27 referring to zombies). So anyway if you visit, leave a note on what you thought of my blog and the level of disturbing-ness (1-10). So anyway Bob must leave you for the white shores of Bobland and the happy purple glow of insanity! HEHEHE!

Alba Saor!