Yes poor misurable people! Bob's back! you thought you could keep him out but NOOOO! he busted out of his straight jacket, broke the one-way glass, pushed past the big nurses, stopped to jeer at a crazy person and ran over to his computer to ramble at you some more!
but anyway, bob wont be able to post much in this coming month so Colin, you suck and everything you say is complete bull. Brother, you smell. Aiden, your blog confuses me. sir darth etc., you need help. lightbulb...see previous statement.
"and self, go back to the psyce ward" (a message from my other personality). this is due to NaNo, which you may have already read about. Bob has little contact with the outside world at this time, but then again, what else is new...the life of a nerd is a never ending trial.
also, in the news department, bob will most likely soon be visiting an evangelical youth group (shudder) and will write about it, so my public will soon be happy again. this isn't certain, because as much as i love ranting, i hate evangelicals youth groups.
also: I hate paolini. appologies to you who for some reason find the eragon series entertaining.
i am thinking of writing 95 thesies against it. oh...i hate paolini. his first name doesn't even mear saying, but for you who dont know it's the same as the black commedian whos last name is Rock.
not only are his characters cut out from cardboard, ie the hero who "realy just wants to farm potatos," (cough) Tolkien, Jordan, George Lucas x2, Jaques, (cough). but all the other characters are terrible too. the metaphores are okay to some extent, but other than that it's generic fantasy. mercedes lacky class. but then again, lets not say things we cant take back. stupid paolini. and then he goes around comparing himself to tolkein! TOLKEIN! "oh i wrote some stupid stinkin' generic fantasy, I'm like the guy who wrote four books that have become the fathers of fantasty and amazing classics. that's like that stupid little punk from coldplay comparing himself to bono. stupid paolini. also, the names are rip offs. such as Merlock! that is one of the stupidest fantasy names I have ever heard, trumped only by Ithor.
also, as you may know Bob hunts. in the first chapter, Paolini's character Eragon (crappy name) is hunting deer. he's supposed to be the best hunter in the village, but he uses the stupidest tactics I have ever encountered! now, a deer can hear a human walking from hundreds of feet away, even sleeping, also, a hunter, for moral, good-of-the-hunt and common sense reasons NEVER shoots at a moving target, especialy with a bow. So Eragon is hunting with a bow and he comes across a pack of deer (deer dont run in packs of more than 3 or four, unless it's according to paolini.) that are sleeping and sneaks up on them. now one of them would almost definetly be awake to hear him, and even if there wasn't they would still have heard him, since he was crashing through the woods (to a deer's ears)until a few feet away. after that the dragon egg (described EXACTLY like a palantier from Lord Of the Rings) appears for no appearent reson with a poof which wakes and scatters the deer. now, lets take a moment to look at this. do dragon eggs normaly go poof in fantasy stories, even the most surreal? no! they are laid (stop giggleing middle schoolers) and do not simply appear with a little poof, like a poodle being hit by a car.
so the deer scatter andrun away and Eragon shoots at one! ask any hunter you want, you NEVER do that. if you do happen to his the thing (a 1 in ten chance) you'll almost definetly hit the rump, just causing it pain, not something any hunter wants to do, pluss it's a waist of arrows for a medeival peasant.
and the house! it's like a modern home, about a billion rooms and a nice barn! THIS IS NOT HOW MEDEIVAL PEASENTS LIVED, fantasy world or not. okay. bob is calm again now. stupid paolini. well, the men in the white coats found me again. I must leave you now. beware the ides of march!
stupid paolini
BOB
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12 comments:
Oh wow. You thought I was confusing?
This almost lost me. I kind of had to force my way thru this extremly odd rant.
My parents bought my the first Eragon book, and I didn't even bother going past the second page.
I still have the book, only because it has writing from my dear old dad on the inside.
I had no idea he was comparing himself to Tolkein. How horrible. He's commiting the ultimate sin.
But I must apologize for my lack of knowledge about the all mightyness of these fantasy books. I'm not so much into them as I am bio's, and trashy teen novels.
What about my blog, exactly, is confusing?
Bob is sten's idol.So is Aiden.Kristen HEARTS MENTAL LLAMA!So tell me Bob,how r u doing?
uh, bob's fine.the straight jacket's chafing a little
Then loosen it.
Bob, a little FYI, it's Mat DEVINE. not Divine.
Okay?
Mat Devine.
With an E.
okaaaaay. Bob pulled a Colin. going a little psyco are we?
What can I say?
I love him.
He is my hero!
My opinion of Eragon (having read the book just when my, erm, artistic opinions were originally being formulated) is that its popularity is directly derivative of its extreme readability, coupled with the fact that it was written by a 17 year-old (which is a hook). It may seem odd that a little thing like readability could propel an actually bad book to such heights of popularity, but in this country of poor readers, that's what really counts. Reading is considered a passive thing, and is unpleasent when associated with effort (Wells? Too wordy! Shakespeare? Too many metaphors! Dostoyevsky? The names confuse me! Etc.)
If you've ever read Harry Potter, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
I tried listening to the tape(because I'm lazy like that) and I could only stand it for a few hundred pages (or a couple of disks, since it was technically a CD)
I'm afraid I know nothing about hunting, but,
one: Eragon. Notice, especially the pronounciation, Eragon. Pretty close to Aragorn, eh?
And, Eragon's the best hunter. Guess what? Aragorn is a ranger, who just HAPPEN to be really good hunters/trackers! coincidence?
Also, Eragon's mum left him when he was little. My memory's a bit foggy, but as I remember it, Aragorn's mother either left him with the elves, or died when he was really young.
Also, I gotta say that the author, P-guy, misused words, I quote.
"Before the fire smote her"
I checked the dictionary on this one. Smote is the past of smite, which would mean a hard blow, or strike.
Fire smoting, while very poetic, just... doesn't... sound.... good. It sounds like an ameature trying to sound like a Tolkien(oh.. yeah. That's what Paolini is, isn't he?)
Also, the characters(besides Eragon) are terribly trite. A story-teller, who knows more than he lets on, a butcher who isn't very nice(I know they're classically mistrusted, but c'mon! that is soooo trite! let's get a nice butcher, shall we? pretty please?), I could go on forever...
Also, I'd think dragons' eggs would be bigger than described.
Okay. that's all I have to say. The police have found me again, so I must make my daring escape.
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