Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Plastic Bags In Trees.

I hate plastic bags in trees. How the hell do they get up there anyway? If a bag is floating, it floats close to the ground, but no, when it sees a tree it just has to soar higher and higher until it can cling to the branches like a needy child. And it's never stuck on the outer branches either. No. It's always wrapped all around the trunk, which means that the stupid bag had to freaking jet-pilot itself, X-wing style, between the branches to get there.
Over the weekend I went to Minnesota (a 5 1/2 hour drive) and back, and I saw 8 of them. Last time I saw three. Do you know what that means? They're reproducing.
Don't even get me started on plastic bags on fences.
Anyway, I just thought I'd let you all know because, of course, you really need to be informed on such things. Don't even think of trying to get them down, too, because they're always way too high up, and they're probably wet and full of gunk, and will forcefully throw said gunk at you if you try to ascend. I hate those things so much.
Goddamn plastic bags in trees.


Šørën Kïêrkêgåårð said...

It's their defence, they like it up there.
I mean think about it. You spend your whole life in a factory, a box, someones trunk, and then a landfill.
Being in a tree, even when full of gunk, is a welcome break.

info said...

We've been bugged by the problem of bags in trees for many years and finally decided to try to do something about it. We invented a tool called the "Bag Snagger." It's now being used by parks (including New York's Central Park and others across the country. You can find us at www.bagsnaggers.com. Regards,
Bill McClelland

Bob son of Bob said...

Holy crap, Bill. Thank you. You are my hero, way to fight the forces of Plastic Bags in Trees with modern invention!