Saturday, September 23, 2006

defiling classic poetry, act I

upon request of my annoyance, er, brother, I have composed an alternate verion of shakespeare's sonnet #XVIII, shall I comapre thee to a summer's day. here is the sonnet in full:

shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
thou art more lovely and more temperate:
rough winds do shake the darling buds of may,
and summer's lease hath all too short a date:
sometimes too hot the eye of heaven shines
and often is his gold complexion dimmed;
and every fair from fair sometimes declines,
by chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
but thy eternal summer shall not fade,
nor loose posession of that fair thou owest;
nor shall death brag thou wanderest in his shade,
when in eternal lines in time thou growest;
so long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
so long lives this and this gives life to thee.

wasn't that BEAUTIFUL? Now how it is read in Bobland (keep in mind that it is not intended to make ANY sense what so ever) :

why must I compare thee to a summer's day?
thou more ugly with a temper
not even a breeze could blow through thy desert soul
every moment with you is like a thousand days
thy nose, like a pest's protrudes too much
and you have very, very ugly tan lines
if fair be foul than you be fairest fair
Oh pants! you are like a horse, untrimm'd
but thine infernal mother will not die!
and yet I may not loose poison in her bowels.
and still you brag that you wear Death© brand shades
when through the coffin to the ground thou growest
only then will I fin'ly breathe and fin'ly pee.
only when you die will I at last be free!

notes: Bob is a shakespeare geek, and so enjoyed throwing mud in the bard's face through mockery, for he would was like a toad, ugly and venamous! and if mine eyes may wound now let them kill him! he wouldst be rotten 'ere he be half ripe, for by mine oath I would look for a fool to find him, I do desire that we should be better strangers and he shouldst sell when he can for his is not for all markets!
bob is okay now.
anyway, I started to make another version (defiling classic poetry act II) in which I kept to the Iambic Pantamiter, but it was just stupid so I burned it, like I do most things. but if you havn't read any of the Bard (you know who you are) don't let Bob turn you off to him, read Titus Andronicus (I hope I spelled that right), it's like Shakespeare meats Quentin Terrentineo ( I know I didn't spell that right) so anyway, goodbye and beware the ides of march!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

'tis better to die 'neath an Irish sky...

Scots Wa Hae we wallace bled
scots wham bruce has aften led
welcome to your gory bed or tae victory.

Now's th' dae an' now's the hour
see the front o' battle 'ore
see approach proud as a foul
chains and slavery.

By opressor's woes an' pains
by ye sons in servile chains
we sha' drain our dearest vains
but we shall b' free!

wa fae Scotland's king and law
freedom's sword will strongly dra
freemen fight and freemen fa
foreward, on wi me!

Lay the proud userpers low
tyrants fa' in every foe
liberty's in every blow
let us do aer dee!
--Scots Wa Hae by Robert Burns

Bob has held back for as long as he could. for that I blame the English. (I should tell you now, when I say "English" I mainly refer to the English government.) anyway, Bob has probably spent days worth of time ranting about this to his friends, family, pets, old people, books, movies, random people and chairs, so now he will fill you in on it. It all starts in 1290-something when Scotland's last true king died, thrown from his horse. At that time the English (Edward I in particular) saw fit to take over Scotland and hold it ever since. William Wallace rose and fell, as did Robert the bruce and Bonnie Prince Charlie. Scotland is still held, although they call it a "mutual agreement" it was nothing of the sort. This angers klt-wearing Bob. Bob would like to drive a rusty old claymore into the chest of every person involved, because as if taking away Scottish independence wasn't bad enough, they now must also take the culture and language. Scots are no longer brought up to think they are Scots, but rather "brittish" which is much much more associated with England than Scotland or wales or any of the other countries England has taken over. They refuse to give back the land that rightfuly belongs to the people, like a small child taking a toy from another little bugger and not giving it back. this is utter origional sin, complete selfishness. Google "scottish independence" if you want to see more ppitiful dorks like me. so anyway, just thought you should know.
O flower of scotland
when will we see your light again
that fought and died for
your wee bit hill and glen
and stood against him
proud edward's army
and sent him homeward tae think again!
!!BOB!! guns, pipes, what's not to like? I just dont know...

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Now go my minions, feed! feed!

greetings short people, bob is back breifly! Bob has not been around as much as he would like. He appologises sincerely for this. school, (foreboding organ music) has begun and I have had little time to rant and rave at ye interested onlookers. also, in the coming time, Bob intends on doing more "themed" posts. Bob has talked too much about Bob, and not the french, the hippies, the poodles, and people in general. this shall change. Bob's family also installed a new computer so that the other one isn't always taken up with people, and Bob will have an oppertunity to scream at the monitor. so until then, I leave you with some interesting song lyrics from an interesting band with an interesting name.

Hanna's feeling less self destructive
feelin' less in general too
her kids 'ave been a lot more productive and Hanna's got a lot less to do.
from a song I forgot by Enter the Haggis.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Colin, llamas, drugs and this crap.

there is a strange part of my life (well, more my brother's life) that i must inform you about. it all started one fine day maybe a year ago. my smelly brother created a blog, ( and after a few months of posting he created a post which he wrote while very tired. some guy (known only as Colin) found his blog and began commenting that he was a drug addict. if there is one thing my brother is not, it is an addict. so every few weeks this guy comes back on and calls my brother a drug addict in a different way. so one day this guy decides to put together all the odd blogs he has found and make one big blog out of it. he succseeded and it is called What is this Crap? ( and every little while he posts again. then my brother's friends found it and began talking back. one, know as "Llama Crusade" (she's crusading to save the llamas, from what i don't know) keeps coming back on. and repeatedly saying that my brother is not an addict, and telling Colin to join the crusade. So they go back and forth, and it's quite strange. you should realy check it out, but make sure to look at the comments., oh you three people who actualy read this, (yes, my audience has increased!) and comment, or look, or whatever. I think I'm going to comment, just to see what he says to my even more drug addict sounding blog. so goodbye for naow and try not to eat the guinea pigs.

ps the spark is still here, just needs a little gasoline.