I decided to impersonate him. you can't see it here, but my arms sparkle, I had an apple and a Pea Jacket as well. I am told it was all too convincing.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
So, in mockery of The Edward...
I decided to impersonate him. you can't see it here, but my arms sparkle, I had an apple and a Pea Jacket as well. I am told it was all too convincing.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Okay, Twilight fans.
Stop trying to justify yourselves.
I mean, with the first book, an argument could be made, maybe. If it weren't for the fact that she spends the first 400ish pages talking about NOTHING and the plot takes 7/8ths of the book to make an appearance it would be a decent book. If only...
My true complaint comes in another form, however.
Edward Cullen is stealing all our women.
This is bothersome, for, as Martin Luther said "Man cannot do without woman." And not just that, our women are letting him!
Try telling a Twilight fan that Edward sets an unreasonable standard. Just try it! They don't seem to believe it, no matter how long you waterboard them. In fact, they seem to think that it should be easy as pie (wait, maybe cake...) for any guy at all to be Edward Cullen and compete with his sparkling preppiness. I'll let you all in on a little secret *secretive whisper* we can't do that like Jayne said: "There ain't people like that. There's only people like me."*
There are a hundred and one other defenses I've heard too. "We don't like Edward, we like the image of Edward."
Wanna unpack that one for me honey?
"Every girl looks at Edward and sees the boy she likes, so really it ends up helping you guys..."
Okay, i call BS. They are not thinking of any mortal, human person. Mortal, human people don't sparkle. Also, most don't have crooked smiles, and when they do, they are fixed by braces. Very few of us are "Seraphim-like" either (that term was used three times through the first book. Yes. I counted.) We are, in fact, human. Sucks, don't it?
A friend of mine once threw glitter on himself as a joke to his girlfriend who had said something along the lines of "Why can't you be more like Edward?"
For the moment let us entirely ignore how asinine that statement is.
Well, she did not take this very well. He dared to mock The Edward. In fact, they broke up a couple months later. I laughed.**
So anyway, Twilight fans, can we keep the stupidity to a minimum? Yeah, that would be nice. Thanks. Not that you'll do it. God, I hate Edward Cullen.
Little sparkling asshole.
*point of fact, Jayne also said "I'll show you right well I got man parts." So perhaps he is not the best source to quote.
**One problem with his plan was that glitter does not come off easily. In fact, it takes a lot of scrubbing, and it still won't come off for a week. So he had to go to school sparkling.
I mean, with the first book, an argument could be made, maybe. If it weren't for the fact that she spends the first 400ish pages talking about NOTHING and the plot takes 7/8ths of the book to make an appearance it would be a decent book. If only...
My true complaint comes in another form, however.
Edward Cullen is stealing all our women.
This is bothersome, for, as Martin Luther said "Man cannot do without woman." And not just that, our women are letting him!
Try telling a Twilight fan that Edward sets an unreasonable standard. Just try it! They don't seem to believe it, no matter how long you waterboard them. In fact, they seem to think that it should be easy as pie (wait, maybe cake...) for any guy at all to be Edward Cullen and compete with his sparkling preppiness. I'll let you all in on a little secret *secretive whisper* we can't do that like Jayne said: "There ain't people like that. There's only people like me."*
There are a hundred and one other defenses I've heard too. "We don't like Edward, we like the image of Edward."
Wanna unpack that one for me honey?
"Every girl looks at Edward and sees the boy she likes, so really it ends up helping you guys..."
Okay, i call BS. They are not thinking of any mortal, human person. Mortal, human people don't sparkle. Also, most don't have crooked smiles, and when they do, they are fixed by braces. Very few of us are "Seraphim-like" either (that term was used three times through the first book. Yes. I counted.) We are, in fact, human. Sucks, don't it?
A friend of mine once threw glitter on himself as a joke to his girlfriend who had said something along the lines of "Why can't you be more like Edward?"
For the moment let us entirely ignore how asinine that statement is.
Well, she did not take this very well. He dared to mock The Edward. In fact, they broke up a couple months later. I laughed.**
So anyway, Twilight fans, can we keep the stupidity to a minimum? Yeah, that would be nice. Thanks. Not that you'll do it. God, I hate Edward Cullen.
Little sparkling asshole.
*point of fact, Jayne also said "I'll show you right well I got man parts." So perhaps he is not the best source to quote.
**One problem with his plan was that glitter does not come off easily. In fact, it takes a lot of scrubbing, and it still won't come off for a week. So he had to go to school sparkling.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
CSI: Sheboygan
A classy bunch.
my personal favorite quote of all time: "You can't arrest me as I am going to be naked now"
my personal favorite quote of all time: "You can't arrest me as I am going to be naked now"
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Thricex3
So for the benefit of The Celebrated Author, i have composed an extensive list of All the Thrice Songs that Everyone On Earth Should Listen To. i thought i would post it.
Music Box. A gorgeous song, still gives me goosebumps after having listened to it hundreds of times over 2 years.
Like Moths to Flame. a retelling of the Last Supper.
Image of the Invisible. military anthem of the virtuous counterculture.
Beggars. ESSENTIAL. about Martin Luther's last words. that says enough.
The Messenger. a retelling of Isiah 6, my personal favorite chapter of the Bible.
Artist in the Ambulance. brought me to tears the first time i heard it. but a good part of that was timing.
Doublespeak. based off of Orwell's 1984 (it seems every punk/alt band has at least one song titled after a 1984 device). made me want to spit out the words "jackboot toe-tap" every few sentences.
Lockdown. from Thrice's early years, a more speed-metal version of Doublespeak.
Come All you Weary. more or less explains itself.
Child of Dust. a retelling of the parable of the prodigal son. also written in Shakespearean Sonnet form.
Trust (acoustic version is best). also featured on the album "Punk Goes Acoustic" with other great songs like "Baby I'm an Anarchist" and "Swing Life Away"
Stare At the Sun. about the search for truth in a world of postmodernism.
Flags of Dawn. warning: will make you miss people terribly. not a good song to listen to after an HT conference.
some others that are not as essential, though still amazing:
The Weight. a serious song about marriage.
The Lion and the Wolf. the only media influence to ever give me nightmares.
The Abolition of Man/Don't Tell and We Won't Ask. based on a C.S. Lewis book.
Elanor Rigby. The Beatles song, with metal.
Pheonix Ignition. great chorus and symbolism.
Cold Cash and Colder Hearts. all about Amerika.
The Arsonist. about, well, fire. in a brilliant way.
The Melting Point of Wax/Daedalus. from 2 different albums, two opposing views of the Icarus myth.
Carol of the Bells. kick ass Christmas carol. ker-win.
this is a massive list, but every song here has influenced my life, the way i think, talk, sing, act and believe. and they are all brilliant. these are suggestions, so take them just as such.
Music Box. A gorgeous song, still gives me goosebumps after having listened to it hundreds of times over 2 years.
Like Moths to Flame. a retelling of the Last Supper.
Image of the Invisible. military anthem of the virtuous counterculture.
Beggars. ESSENTIAL. about Martin Luther's last words. that says enough.
The Messenger. a retelling of Isiah 6, my personal favorite chapter of the Bible.
Artist in the Ambulance. brought me to tears the first time i heard it. but a good part of that was timing.
Doublespeak. based off of Orwell's 1984 (it seems every punk/alt band has at least one song titled after a 1984 device). made me want to spit out the words "jackboot toe-tap" every few sentences.
Lockdown. from Thrice's early years, a more speed-metal version of Doublespeak.
Come All you Weary. more or less explains itself.
Child of Dust. a retelling of the parable of the prodigal son. also written in Shakespearean Sonnet form.
Trust (acoustic version is best). also featured on the album "Punk Goes Acoustic" with other great songs like "Baby I'm an Anarchist" and "Swing Life Away"
Stare At the Sun. about the search for truth in a world of postmodernism.
Flags of Dawn. warning: will make you miss people terribly. not a good song to listen to after an HT conference.
some others that are not as essential, though still amazing:
The Weight. a serious song about marriage.
The Lion and the Wolf. the only media influence to ever give me nightmares.
The Abolition of Man/Don't Tell and We Won't Ask. based on a C.S. Lewis book.
Elanor Rigby. The Beatles song, with metal.
Pheonix Ignition. great chorus and symbolism.
Cold Cash and Colder Hearts. all about Amerika.
The Arsonist. about, well, fire. in a brilliant way.
The Melting Point of Wax/Daedalus. from 2 different albums, two opposing views of the Icarus myth.
Carol of the Bells. kick ass Christmas carol. ker-win.
this is a massive list, but every song here has influenced my life, the way i think, talk, sing, act and believe. and they are all brilliant. these are suggestions, so take them just as such.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
PEOPLE WHO TALK ON CELL PHONES AT THE LIBRARY.
I HATE THEM. HOW STUPID AND RUDE AND THOUGHTLESS DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO NOT NOTICE THAT EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS BEING QUIET, AND THEN PICK UP YOUR PHONE WHEN IT RINGS (ON A LOUD, LATIN RINGTONE, OF COURSE) AND THEN YELL LOUDLY INTO YOUR PHONE FOR TEN MINUTES AND NOT THINK THAT THIS WILL BOTHER ANYONE!? IF IT WERE UP TO ME, PEOPLE LIKE THIS WOULD BE SLOWLY TORTURED TO DEATH VIA ELECTRODES PLANTED DEEP INTO THEIR SKIN WHICH WOULD TURN ON AND OFF AT SPORRATIC MOMENTS, CAUSING THEM MASSIVE AMMOUNTS OF PAIN. I HAVE TO PROBLEM WITH CELL PHONES, EVEN DRIVING WHILE ON THE PHONE I DON'T MIND IF ONE CAN DO IT SAFELY (WHICH MOST PEOPLE CAN'T). BUT THIS IS JUST WRONG. THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, MORON! AND NONE OF THEM CARE ABOUT YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND, OR HER CAR, OR YOUR LAST PAINTBALL MATCH, OR YOUR NEW TEACHER, OR YOUR UNCLE'S WEDDING. SO SHUT UP, AND TURN YOUR %^$%# &^%@#(ED RINGER OFF.
THE END.
THE END.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Jiggity Jig
he's back. and this time he's not leaving. at least for a while. too long, anyway. it was so nice for a while. i had all the shirts, hats and jackets i wanted. and no Smelly brother to tell me "no, I am wearing that, see that it is on my person." no, he's coming home, after having been gone only a month this summer. i am sad. all the food shall be gone. i shall go now, and play taps for the food. softly.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Poem
Alas! it is a fearful thing
to feel another's guilt!
For, right, within, the Sword of Sin
Pierced to its poisoned hilt
And as molten lead were the tears we shed
For the blood we had not spilt
--The Balad of Reading Gaol by Oscar Wilde
to feel another's guilt!
For, right, within, the Sword of Sin
Pierced to its poisoned hilt
And as molten lead were the tears we shed
For the blood we had not spilt
--The Balad of Reading Gaol by Oscar Wilde
Sunday, April 12, 2009
The Easter Post
So, this is my Easter post. Ta-da. I don't think I've done an Easter post before, or if I have, well, I have entirely forgotten it, in which case you are more than welcome to e-slap me upside the head.
I think my favorite part of Easter this year was watching all the little companies and "Politically Correct" stores etc. trying to wish everyone a happy Easter while remaining entirely neutral on religion, and totally failing. I have seen "happy spring" and "happy Easter" themes and wishes in the same stores, occasionally on the very same sign. It is sometimes funny to watch the stupid greedy exploitative capitalistic prostitute-anything-for-a-buck ideals of our culture clash with the "Politically Correct" aspect. It's like being able to watch cognitive dissidence acted out in a Wal-Greens.
My other part is, of course about Easter, the historical and biblical event. some of you have heard this particular rant before, but it bears repeating. A while ago, a few months at least, at Book Klub, Pastor Gullixon (<--sp?) mentioned something about the Resurrection story.
(1)On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. (2)They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, (3)but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus.
Okay, awesome as this particular trio of verses is, it gets better. According to the Pastor, the Greek word, translated as "rolled" is in fact closer to "thrown" or "tossed." I just think that that is one of the coolest things I have ever heard. The stone at the grave was not just rolled away, it was tossed, like something not so much laborious in its movement as just kind of annoying or in the way. Christ tossed death off to the side, because it was nothing in His path. Like when you wake up in the morning and you're extremely groggy and cranky (although somehow that's not how I envision Christ arising in the tomb) and you're stumbling toward the door because you have crap to do, and the shirt that you threw on the ground the previous night gets tangled around your foot and starts tripping you up, so you flick your foot at the wall and the shirt goes flying, and that's that. And that is how i see Christ arising from death, just tossing sin, death and Satan aside like an old tee shirt. I suppose its like one final screw you to the devil, "well, your power's gone, so, um, I don't think I'll be staying here anymore." and then He tossed aside the stone away.
I think my favorite part of Easter this year was watching all the little companies and "Politically Correct" stores etc. trying to wish everyone a happy Easter while remaining entirely neutral on religion, and totally failing. I have seen "happy spring" and "happy Easter" themes and wishes in the same stores, occasionally on the very same sign. It is sometimes funny to watch the stupid greedy exploitative capitalistic prostitute-anything-for-a-buck ideals of our culture clash with the "Politically Correct" aspect. It's like being able to watch cognitive dissidence acted out in a Wal-Greens.
My other part is, of course about Easter, the historical and biblical event. some of you have heard this particular rant before, but it bears repeating. A while ago, a few months at least, at Book Klub, Pastor Gullixon (<--sp?) mentioned something about the Resurrection story.
(1)On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. (2)They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, (3)but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus.
Okay, awesome as this particular trio of verses is, it gets better. According to the Pastor, the Greek word, translated as "rolled" is in fact closer to "thrown" or "tossed." I just think that that is one of the coolest things I have ever heard. The stone at the grave was not just rolled away, it was tossed, like something not so much laborious in its movement as just kind of annoying or in the way. Christ tossed death off to the side, because it was nothing in His path. Like when you wake up in the morning and you're extremely groggy and cranky (although somehow that's not how I envision Christ arising in the tomb) and you're stumbling toward the door because you have crap to do, and the shirt that you threw on the ground the previous night gets tangled around your foot and starts tripping you up, so you flick your foot at the wall and the shirt goes flying, and that's that. And that is how i see Christ arising from death, just tossing sin, death and Satan aside like an old tee shirt. I suppose its like one final screw you to the devil, "well, your power's gone, so, um, I don't think I'll be staying here anymore." and then He tossed aside the stone away.
Friday, February 20, 2009
so...
i found something earlier this evening. while googling "I am extremely unhappy with midgets" (long story), i noticed THIS.
you know, i would say something about our culture, but i don't think i will, because that's just too easy.
you know, i would say something about our culture, but i don't think i will, because that's just too easy.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
VD
for various reasons i am not going to go on my normal rant about or culture and its love of selling Love for a price. i can, however, post this.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Give me Liberty, or Give me Death
this, THIS, is creeping fascism. now we must control our kids to the point of putting them on a leash like a poodle?! don't even get me started on poodles. if i were a child, i would NOT STAND FOR IT! neither should the children of today! i call upon those who are still in their single digits to rise up and cast off the, well, harness. this reflects badly on the children of today as well, not just their parents. if i were their age i would be devising complicated plans to cut through the cords or lose weight until i could slip our of my leash unnoticed, but what do they do? they tolerate it! i think this calls for a revolution.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
KFC Famous Bowls
I love them. they're amazing. it's a five course meal all thrown in a bowl and smothered in gravy. the whole thing is fairly small but its all just carbs and startch so they are very filling, kind of like an MRE. i just love them.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
WTF? (an totally new name for a blog post)
let me start off by saying: i'm sorry. i'm really sorry. but just one more stupid thing off the internet:
but this one has a REASON! yes, that's right, a whole reason! this will sound familiar to some of you.
so a couple years ago i was wandering around town looking for trouble as is my habit when suddenly i saw something out of the corner of my eye and i looked around to see it. it was a monkey. i am still sure of it. it was a ring-tailed lemur. i am as sure of this as i am sure that i strongly dislike caviar. it had run from a public pavilion the stoners hang out under to a car in the parking lot twenty feet away. it was running with its butt up, a thin white-and-black striped tail was straight up behind it. i followed and tried to get a good look at it but couldn't before it ran into a tiny little space that i couldn't go. see that animal in the picture? probably the same thing!
but this one has a REASON! yes, that's right, a whole reason! this will sound familiar to some of you.
so a couple years ago i was wandering around town looking for trouble as is my habit when suddenly i saw something out of the corner of my eye and i looked around to see it. it was a monkey. i am still sure of it. it was a ring-tailed lemur. i am as sure of this as i am sure that i strongly dislike caviar. it had run from a public pavilion the stoners hang out under to a car in the parking lot twenty feet away. it was running with its butt up, a thin white-and-black striped tail was straight up behind it. i followed and tried to get a good look at it but couldn't before it ran into a tiny little space that i couldn't go. see that animal in the picture? probably the same thing!
Monday, December 08, 2008
HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF
yes, i know this is pretty much what i did the last post, but i'm doing it again. deal with it. the creepy thing is just how many of these i (and hooligans like myself) already know and very often do (see #11 14 26 31 etc.)
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Zombie Haikus
blood is really warm
its like drinking hot chocolate
but with more screaming.
Wake up to the sound
Of puppies being eaten
No more chewed slippers
If zombies smoked pot
maybe they would skip the brains
and settle for cake.
The day I died you
tried to put a bullet in
my head. You missed. Lunch!
Brain eating monsters
Make disappointing lovers
Because of the fear
Zombie Haiku by Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle
into that zombie plagued night.
And take the shotgun.
Zombie Haiku by William Shakespeare
To bite through the skull
or beat it against the wall?
That is the question.
Zombie Haiku by Edgar Allen Poe
Beside of the sea
I killed my Annabel Lee
because zombies do that.
its like drinking hot chocolate
but with more screaming.
Wake up to the sound
Of puppies being eaten
No more chewed slippers
If zombies smoked pot
maybe they would skip the brains
and settle for cake.
The day I died you
tried to put a bullet in
my head. You missed. Lunch!
Brain eating monsters
Make disappointing lovers
Because of the fear
Zombie Haiku by Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle
into that zombie plagued night.
And take the shotgun.
Zombie Haiku by William Shakespeare
To bite through the skull
or beat it against the wall?
That is the question.
Zombie Haiku by Edgar Allen Poe
Beside of the sea
I killed my Annabel Lee
because zombies do that.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
A Sunny Day in Dyatlov Pass
so every now and then i find something that is just too cool (or creepy) to pass up. tonight, i hit gold. while chain-clicking Stumble Upon i ran into the Wikipedia article on unusual deaths (check out Aeschylus--hahahaha!) and as i went down i noticed a nice paragraph entitled "Dyatlov Pass Incident".
In February 1959, nine hikers tried to stroll through the Ural Mountains in the middle of winter (in Russia, even worse than Wisconsin) from one big butt mountain to the next. but they never got to the second mountain. one of them had to go home early due to sickness (what a girl!) but the others continued on. On February 2nd, under the mountain of Kholat Syakhl (a native name meaning Mountain of the Dead. yeah, great idea. "hey guys! lets walk around the Mountain of the Dead! we're not asking for trouble!") something happened. here's where the facts get fuzzy.
cue thunder and lightning. somebody holds a flashlight under their face. scared yet? something happened, we're not sure what. in the middle of the night the underwear-clad six men and two women tore out of their tent in terror in a temperature of -25 C without shoes or even flipflops.
enter Bigfoot, stage left.
one guy's head was splintered. another other three were smashed in the chest "with a force equal to a speeding car" according to one expert. all four of them were thick with radiation, even weeks after the "incident." the other four, scared to go back to their tent in case my brother was still around stayed in the woods until they froze to death. the ones with "suspicious wounds" were tossed in a stream and not found until the ice and snow thawed.
the Russian government didn't even bother trying to explain this one. the hikers were killed by an "unknown compelling force." no, ya think?
there's been a lot of theorizing about exactly what killed the hikers. bigfoot? UFOs? natives? nothing seems to hold up, though. especially not bigfoot. everyone knows he hates russia.
anyway, i just thought i'd share that one with y'all because, well, i'm just that nice.
In February 1959, nine hikers tried to stroll through the Ural Mountains in the middle of winter (in Russia, even worse than Wisconsin) from one big butt mountain to the next. but they never got to the second mountain. one of them had to go home early due to sickness (what a girl!) but the others continued on. On February 2nd, under the mountain of Kholat Syakhl (a native name meaning Mountain of the Dead. yeah, great idea. "hey guys! lets walk around the Mountain of the Dead! we're not asking for trouble!") something happened. here's where the facts get fuzzy.
cue thunder and lightning. somebody holds a flashlight under their face. scared yet? something happened, we're not sure what. in the middle of the night the underwear-clad six men and two women tore out of their tent in terror in a temperature of -25 C without shoes or even flipflops.
enter Bigfoot, stage left.
one guy's head was splintered. another other three were smashed in the chest "with a force equal to a speeding car" according to one expert. all four of them were thick with radiation, even weeks after the "incident." the other four, scared to go back to their tent in case my brother was still around stayed in the woods until they froze to death. the ones with "suspicious wounds" were tossed in a stream and not found until the ice and snow thawed.
the Russian government didn't even bother trying to explain this one. the hikers were killed by an "unknown compelling force." no, ya think?
there's been a lot of theorizing about exactly what killed the hikers. bigfoot? UFOs? natives? nothing seems to hold up, though. especially not bigfoot. everyone knows he hates russia.
anyway, i just thought i'd share that one with y'all because, well, i'm just that nice.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
And Once Again, England Celebrates Its Favoite Folk-Hero-Terrorist
Remember, remember the 5th of November, remember the gunpowder plot I see no reason why the gunpowder treason ever should be forgot.
(many thanks to NFJ who reminded me of this holiday. otherwise, i would have forgotten to remember the fifth of November.)
(many thanks to NFJ who reminded me of this holiday. otherwise, i would have forgotten to remember the fifth of November.)
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
America 2014: An Orwellian Tale
By Dawn Blair
A review.
You have heard me rant before, but I think even Calvary Chapel never made me as mad as this book did. It is a fairly easy book to read as it is obviously for the suggestible and simpleminded.
America 2014: An Orwellian Tale is very simple in plot: George Bush never gives up power. Yeah, real original. The Department of Homeland Security becomes the Ministry of Peace, the secretary of state Big Brother, etc. the “new” Winston Smith is making a movie about, well, himself, when the Evil Government decides to execute him, I guess because it sounded like fun. Now, had the book stopped there, with his execution via rats or something similar to the book I would have just been pissed, but no, they had to give the reader what they want and completely destroy any poetry or meaning by having Winston broken out of prison by a hot chick. How very feministic. You get the point, it’s a super left-wing, bordering on radical, version of 1984.
Now, I’m not the biggest fan of Bush. I think he’s screwed up more than a few times but he has done a lot of good things too, not that we hear about that. So I write this, not as a crazy right-wing blogger, but as a reader. My anger here is not from the insane political opinions expressed in this “book” (I do live near Madison, so its not like I’m not used to it) but from the literary butchering of one of the greatest books of the twentieth century.
What really ticks me off is this: what was it Orwell wrote 1984 about? The evils of over-politicization, especially propaganda. What is this book that claims his cause? PROPAGANDA!!! The whole book is a big piece of left-wing propaganda. This is ridiculous. Orwell would have a fit if he were alive, he would call this person worse names than I, and probably sue, as well he should. And of course the church is in there, and the nation becomes “God’s United States” because we can’t let those evil Christians off the hook.
Now while this book claims to be “Orwellian” and therefore against the mainstream, the pressures of society and popular opinion, it is not, it is the opposite. It is like the book-within-a-book in 1984, it is fake resistance material produced by the malicious power. This is a book published not against Big Brother, but by Big Brother.
Thankfully, I spent no money on the book, but got it from the library. If any of you want to slay your soul with this drivel, please don’t spend a cent on it to support this resentful hag and her opinions. This woman has done a crime against literature, a crime against art, and a crime against the human mind.
The back proclaims the book “controversial” but it is not, it is just pretentious people bastardizing a good book and trying to enslave our minds to their little opinions. It is wrong, but I am sure they are very smug and pleased with themselves. And have I mentioned the writing? This woman needs a basic grade-school creative writing course.
The moral of this rant? Very simple: think for yourself. Do not allow others, authors or peers to pressure you into thinking one way or the other. Escape the Lockdown, think for yourself.
A review.
You have heard me rant before, but I think even Calvary Chapel never made me as mad as this book did. It is a fairly easy book to read as it is obviously for the suggestible and simpleminded.
America 2014: An Orwellian Tale is very simple in plot: George Bush never gives up power. Yeah, real original. The Department of Homeland Security becomes the Ministry of Peace, the secretary of state Big Brother, etc. the “new” Winston Smith is making a movie about, well, himself, when the Evil Government decides to execute him, I guess because it sounded like fun. Now, had the book stopped there, with his execution via rats or something similar to the book I would have just been pissed, but no, they had to give the reader what they want and completely destroy any poetry or meaning by having Winston broken out of prison by a hot chick. How very feministic. You get the point, it’s a super left-wing, bordering on radical, version of 1984.
Now, I’m not the biggest fan of Bush. I think he’s screwed up more than a few times but he has done a lot of good things too, not that we hear about that. So I write this, not as a crazy right-wing blogger, but as a reader. My anger here is not from the insane political opinions expressed in this “book” (I do live near Madison, so its not like I’m not used to it) but from the literary butchering of one of the greatest books of the twentieth century.
What really ticks me off is this: what was it Orwell wrote 1984 about? The evils of over-politicization, especially propaganda. What is this book that claims his cause? PROPAGANDA!!! The whole book is a big piece of left-wing propaganda. This is ridiculous. Orwell would have a fit if he were alive, he would call this person worse names than I, and probably sue, as well he should. And of course the church is in there, and the nation becomes “God’s United States” because we can’t let those evil Christians off the hook.
Now while this book claims to be “Orwellian” and therefore against the mainstream, the pressures of society and popular opinion, it is not, it is the opposite. It is like the book-within-a-book in 1984, it is fake resistance material produced by the malicious power. This is a book published not against Big Brother, but by Big Brother.
Thankfully, I spent no money on the book, but got it from the library. If any of you want to slay your soul with this drivel, please don’t spend a cent on it to support this resentful hag and her opinions. This woman has done a crime against literature, a crime against art, and a crime against the human mind.
The back proclaims the book “controversial” but it is not, it is just pretentious people bastardizing a good book and trying to enslave our minds to their little opinions. It is wrong, but I am sure they are very smug and pleased with themselves. And have I mentioned the writing? This woman needs a basic grade-school creative writing course.
The moral of this rant? Very simple: think for yourself. Do not allow others, authors or peers to pressure you into thinking one way or the other. Escape the Lockdown, think for yourself.
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